stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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