You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
