It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
