He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
