he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And then he peed in my hair
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