i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I forget how to act sober
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
