Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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