U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
