WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
