So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
