If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
where are my eyebrows?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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