we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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