She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
