It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
