Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
