Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
