So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
