Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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