it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
