someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
im on a boat
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