dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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