I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
