I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
