those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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