I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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