she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
