I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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