If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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