3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
