you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
