I hate your face
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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