Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
