her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
