I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
