You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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