I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
