Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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