im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
