They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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