just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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