he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
