Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
