He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
