It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
