Well douche your snatch and let's go!
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
