That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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