best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
