Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
