and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
