somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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