His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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